It's been a while

It's been a while since my last blog post. I have had 3 doula clients. I keep questioning whether I want to be a doula or not, and then, after I help a woman in birth I feel a deep sense of fulfillment. What I have found is that immediately after the birth I do not feel a "high" that everyone talks about. What I feel is...exhausted. I think the physical part of supporting a woman in labor is exhausting, however I think what happens is that I relive my own births and have two conflicting emotions: deep joy that the women had a positive experience and deep sorrow that I did not. I know I need healing in this to move forward. I still feel like being a doula is part of what I'm supposed to be doing. I think I may need a break to heal or re-evaluate what I'm doing.

I'm a DONA trained Doula!

Went to a DONA Intl doula workshop in Topsail Beach, NC. It was awesome, great instructor , met some awesome women. Was on the beach so got to take walks along the beach, pick up sea shells, and even spotted a family of dophins! Am going to an ICAN meeting tonight in Jacksonville, NC. Perhaps interested in starting a chapter in the Wilmington area!

I'm Pro-Life, Part 2

Okay, so I said it: I'm pro-LIFE. In birth activist, VBAC, women's rights, maternity world this is almost a curse word. I say almost because there are many birth activists, childbirth educators, doulas, midwifes, and doctors out here who are pro-life however it seems like they are very hard to find.

I've been pro-life for a while. I actually hadn't made up my mind so firmly on the issue when I became a Christian. It happened when I got pregnant with my first child and my stance on the issue has firmed up since.

I have also come to the following conclusions related to birth and parenting which differ from the majority of people who share my passion for all things maternity and birth:

1. Breast is best, but formula is okay:  Breastfeeding should be encouraged and supported however if a mother needs or wants to formula feed either supplementally or completely she should be made to feel guilty and we should support this option.  I have much sensitivity over this matter as I was not able to successfully breastfeed either of my children and felt badgered and guilt-tripped by my friends who were gung-ho breastfeeding advocates. I really wish our society would not be so weirded out by breastfeeding and I wish it would become the norm, and I FULLY support breastfeeding and breastfeeding advocates, however I'm not at all for making women feel bad about their choice to use formula. We really  need to stop making women (and especially mothers) feel so guilty. They do that on their own.
2. I'm not into Attachment Parenting: I thought I was when I had my first child as I wanted her to know how much I loved her. I tried to pay special attention to her every need. However, I had no desire to carry her around on my body all day. I did hold her A LOT. I also felt it was okay for her to cry, just a little, in calming down to go to sleep. And now that I have TWO kids I realize it's just not possible to dout over each of the kids in the way I originally thought I'd want to. I also realize that sometimes a 3 or 4 year old needs a spanking if they are absolutely being defiant. I AM the parent and there WILL be respect and order. I know this sounds harsh to some, but if you know me you know that I'm one of the most sensitive and compassionate people out there and love my children very much so. I agree with some parts of attachment parenting, but I, myself am not an attachment parent and I don't think that's the only okay way to raise a child. Strollers and bottles and even,yes, occasional spanking is what has kept me sane.
3. My children will not die if they don't eat all the right foods and occasionally watch tv: I can spot a new parent of only one child because they have to do everything the RIGHT way: cloth diapers, Baby Einstein videos, making their own organic baby food, continous baby-wearing, trying to early-potty train,  teaching colors and numbers to an infant, making sure they read to their child 1 hour a day, etc,etc. There is nothing wrong with these things, in fact, some of them are quite good, and many parents of more than one child continue in these things. However, I could not. For my sanity. And I think we need to be less child-focused and more family-focused. This is not neglecting the child but teaching them that the world revolves around their family, not them. wow, reading this from my former one-child self really sounds harsh, however I mean it in a loving way. We mothers just need to chill-out and not feel guilty. Do our best with what we know and our kids will turn out fine.

Okay, having said all that, let's get back to the pro-life stuff. I'm a Christian,and if I were not a Christian I would probably be pro-choice. However, this isn't a religious decision. I'm not a very religious person even though I do have a lot of faith and try to follow Christ. I don't go to church much (although I'm hoping to connect with a fellowship of believers), I do pray, but I also think about things. My choice to be pro-life is from the belief that:

1. There is a personal God. 
2. He gives and takes away life.
   

“Naked I came from my mother's womb,
and naked I will depart.
The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away;
may the name of the LORD be praised.” (Job 1:20) 

And for the most part I don't think we should interfere with His giving and taking away of life. I'm sort of a pacifist so I don't really like war and I don't like the death penalty. However, I realize there is a time and place for war in order for a people to protect themselves or to protect the innocent. There is such a thing called evil and there are people who must be stopped before they harm innocent people.

That's just what I think of unborn fetuses- innocent people. I am for women's rights, completely. I'm for people's rights in general. It hurts me to see people treated unfairly or to see a people oppressed. However, a woman's right does not trump a unborn child's life. They, to me, are considered equal. I might even make the case that the child's life is possibly to be protected more because they have no way to defend themselves and are more innocent.

I also believe that all people are created equal under God. He makes them, and He decides their value. It pisses me off that public health groups and Planned Parenthood encourage abortions. Most abortions are performed on blacks and hispanics. I don't understand why their isn't an outrage against this as the future of many black and hispanics are being aborted. Or aborting babies who are likely to have a disability. Why are we trying to get rid of our undesirables? It is sad, because God desires every one of them.

So, we take away abortion, we take away a part of women's rights (or options). I'm all for liberty, freedom makes my heart sing. I have freedom in Christ to do anything. However there are things I can do that would not be good for me or for another person. And there are things I could do that would just be plain evil. I have the freedom to do them, but ought not to: adultery, murder, stealing, lying, etc. There are huge consequences to these things.

As there are with abortion. Huge physical, emotional, and spiritual consequences. Not only that, but what kind of a society do we become when we don't protect our most innocent?

That's my rant. That's why I'm pro-life. Here are some people who are into birth who are also pro-life:

1. BlogHer article: Why I'm Pro-Life
2. Feminists for Life
3. Pro Life, Pro Woman
4. Washington Post aritcle: Pro-life Feminism is the Future
5. Pro-Life OBGYNs
6. Pro-Life Organizations
7. Jill Stanek: with her typing fingers on the pro-life pulse
8. Dr. Poppy, Pro-Life OBGYN & VBAC'er
9. Pro-Life Info
10. Pro-Life Alliance

I'm Pro-Life, Part 1 (what led me to my passion for women's health)

Before I explain how I can be for women's rights AND pro-life I will explain what got me passionate about women's health in the first place:

After my C-section in 2006 I became obsessed with having a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesearean). I knew my body could birth the "normal" way--or hoped it could--and went on a research mission to learn all I could about how to have a normal birth and prove, once and for all, that my body was not broken. The things I learned made me very, very, very angry. I had been pressured into inducing my labor starting at 35 weeks. Probably due to fear from my OBGYN that I was too small (I'm 4'11) and that my husband was too big (6ft-300lbs) for our little sprout to make her way through my pelvis.

I repeatedly told my OB that I did NOT want to induce and was even pressured by another OB to do so because they believed m shortness combined with my slightly higher-than-average blood glucose would make the baby too large for me. At 35 weeks I had started dilating and went through weeks of promodal labor. It was physically hard and I was stressed out at my job. I went on maternity leave at 37 weeks pregnant because I would have had to do work at a high-stress hurricane conference even that would have required lots of driving and walking on my part. Shortly, there after, my husband was hospitalized for severe vomitting and diahrrea of unknown cause. After he got after the hospital I started to feel the clock ticking- every week I went without giving birth was 1 week less with my baby and I only had 4 weeks of paid maternity leave and then my husband (who became unemployed shortly before his hospitalization) and I would be without income. 

So at 38w, 5d when I went into the hospital thinking my water broke (it hadn't, it was my mucous plug falling out again for the 3rd time) my OB convinced me to be induced. I was on a time-clock and was worried I'd run out of $. Well, turns out my daughter was in posterior position and by inducing labor and AROM (artificial rupture of membranes=breaking the water) she got JAMMED into my pelvis and had no opportunity to turn. In the posterior position she got...stuck. And after 1 1/2 hours of pushing (of which I could not feel due to the epidural and was doing inefficiently) we decided on a C-section.

Fifteen months after the birth when I got pregnant again I fought for a VBAC. And I did have one with my son, same size as my daughter and all. But this time I was not induced (labor started on it's own at 39w,5d) and had the epidural turned off when I reached 9cm so I could feel myself push. My son's head was in optimal position and he came out after 1 1/2 hours of pushing. It was a victory, except for some complications. With that pregnancy I had had placental previa/placental abruption with bleeding between 26-31 weeks (when ultrasound showed it was resolved); the only risk factor was having a prior C-section. I was hospitalized for 8 days total and on bed rest for several weeks. Upon my son's birth it was discovered that when the placenta partially separated from the uterine wall and an infection had crept in which caused a condition known as chorioaminionitis. I had a high fever/tachycardia for the first 24 hrs after my birth and so did my son. I was treated with antibiotics for 24 hrs, he was treated with them for 1 week. During the birth his heart rate shot up over 200 bpm. While I felt victorious for my successful VBAC I also felt upset and angry that I was separated from my son for 1 week when both of these conditions wouldn't have happened had I not originally had the C-section. My separation from my son caused me depression and trouble breastfeeding.

I thought that having my VBAC would quench the fire, passion, and interest in all things pregnancy and maternity, however, it DID NOT. And I am more interested in ever. Not only in maternity, but in women's health in general. I ask all my female friends about their female-related medical conditions such as endometriosis, PCOS, infertility, PMS, low-progesterone, ovarian cysts, fibroids, menopause, and more. I want to know about all their birth stories. I'm obsessed.  

That is my passion. However I've come across something that is puzzling and troubling to me. See, I'm pro-life, but the majority of women who share this passion that I do are pro-choice. In Part 2 I will discuss why I am pro-life, why they are pro-choice and how I'm trying to wrap my mind around what this means for women.

I'm training to become a doula!

So I'd been going back and forth over whether or not I should go to nursing school to eventually become a certified nurse midwife. It takes forever just to get the pre-reqs for nursing school (I don't have any sciences courses b.c. I got my B.A. in Sociology). I realized that I want to help pregnant women now and thought about how I could do that. I have such a passion and drive for it and spend many hours in my week on the internet reading blogs, research papers, medical articles, and giving advice to my pregnant friends. I thought my passion would end after my VBAC in May '08 but it has not. I plan to turn this passion into something useful.

So I made a decision last week...I would become a doula! So I went to DONA (Doulas of North American) International www.dona.org and found out what it would take to become a doula. First step, become a member of DONA International: check. Second step, buy the certification packet: check. Third step, buy the recommended and required readings (at least 5 books).

So I went to Barnes and Noble (I'm a Books a Million fan but they just didn't have much on childbirth sadly to say) and stood in the childbirth section for about 20 minutes, searching and picking out the books I needed. A woman who was in the parenting section was next to me and when she had glanced over and saw a book in my hand she said "That's a good book, I recommend it."

Well, she (Cherie), and I started talking and it turns out that she had a doula for the birth of her now 2 year old. She was able to have a natural birth despite her having a high risk pregnancy and premature labor. She went on and on about how wonderful doulas are and we talked about the birth climate in this community. It was so encouraging to talk to a woman about how much a doula had helped her. We bonded. So much so that after 1 hour of talking we gave each other a hug goodbye.

It has fueled my passion even more. I'm gonna go for it. I have a doula training workshop in October. That's also around the same time I'd apply for nursing school. So I'm going to pursue both and see where my passion, and God, lead me...

VBAC climate in Wilmington, NC

Just out of curiosity I did a Google search for VBAC in the area where I'm currently living: Wilmington, NC. What did Google come up with? Not much. I found city-data website forums in which a woman was looking for a VBAC-friendly provider and hospital and the responses from other women were (to paraphrase) "Why would you want that, I had another C-section and my babies turned out fine." There is a ICAN chapter 1 hour away in Jacksonville, but the contact email isn't working and there is no ICAN yahoo group in the area. I also emailed the only legal midwives in the area (through New Hanover Hospital) to ask what the VBAC climate was like here. That was over a month ago and I have received no response. I do know that in North Carolina Certified Professional Midwives (CPMs) aka direct-entry midwives are illegal here and it is also illegal to give birth in your home. So what is the VBAC climate like here? I'd say not very favorable. Let's hope I don't get pregnant while living here because the outcomes might not be so good!

South Florida C-section rate 51%!

51% C-section rate in South Florida! Ridiculous! It was 40% when I had my C-section in 2006.

http://www.miamiherald.com/2010/03/13/1527325/how-to-avoid-a-c-section-in-south.html