It's been a while

It's been a while since my last blog post. I have had 3 doula clients. I keep questioning whether I want to be a doula or not, and then, after I help a woman in birth I feel a deep sense of fulfillment. What I have found is that immediately after the birth I do not feel a "high" that everyone talks about. What I feel is...exhausted. I think the physical part of supporting a woman in labor is exhausting, however I think what happens is that I relive my own births and have two conflicting emotions: deep joy that the women had a positive experience and deep sorrow that I did not. I know I need healing in this to move forward. I still feel like being a doula is part of what I'm supposed to be doing. I think I may need a break to heal or re-evaluate what I'm doing.